Stranger than Fiction?
by cricket527
Summary: Now Complete.  A Fluffy if strange Babefic.  Steph is hurt and seeing things...find out what Joe, Tank, Vinnie, Lucille, Joyce and Ranger have to do with this tale that is Stranger than Fiction?  What's real and what isn't?
1. Chapter 1

AN: I needed a break from Any Man of Mine for a bit. Standard disclaimers apply.

* * *

"_Stephanie. Steph! Open your eyes. God, please open your eyes. You have to be alright. Wake up, Cupcake." Faintly I registered the panicked tone in Joe's voice but for the life of me, I didn't know why it was there. Why was he pleading with me to open my eyes? Why wouldn't I open my eyes? Before the implications of his pleas could spark any panic I felt myself sliding farther away from him. I decided not to fight it and let myself fall into the abyss._

I was just standing there. I had no memory of how I got here. I wasn't even sure where here was, except that it looked like a bar. I mean there were bar stools and tables. There was a raised platform at the far end of the room; I guess it could qualify as a stage. I looked down at what I was wearing. My eyes took in the torn knees of my black jeans. My God! Was that blood? On closer inspection it turned out it was blood, but dried. Why had I been bleeding? I didn't feel any pain. Black boots. Scuffed with a fresh layer of dirt and dust. I twisted my arms around to see them, again noting the ripped elbows in the long sleeves of one of my RangeMan uniforms. Okay, I obviously had tussled with a skip but not as a result of a distraction gone wrong. It was a reasonable supposition since I was in a bar. That's where a lot of my distraction jobs are. That still didn't explain how I got here. Or even where here was.

Feeling slightly dizzy, I reached out and grabbed a chair. I just have to sit for a moment. As soon as I sat down, the lights went out. I heard someone shriek. I'm pretty sure it was me since there didn't appear to be anyone else around. _Great. I'm alone. I don't know where I am. I can't see a damn thing and I'm injured. I'm screwed._ I heard movement several feet ahead of me and decided to rethink my position of a moment ago. I was not alone. _I'm even more screwed!_

The lights on the stage came on and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I rubbed my eyes. No way was this real. Joe, Eddie and Carl were on the stage. Joe walked over to the jukebox I hadn't noticed in the corner, next to the stage. I heard the coins drop in, heard him press buttons, and I heard the music start. Wait a minute, I know this song but I can't name it at the moment. For some reason, Tom Cruise comes to mind. I tried to speak, to call his name, to ask him what was going on, but I found I couldn't get my vocal cords to perform. Joe went back onto the platform and nodded at the other two. _What in the hell is going on?_

Suddenly there was a spotlight on me. I tried to move away from it but my body refused to cooperate. I was rooted to the spot. I still couldn't make my voice work. I felt my jaw drop as Joe started singing along with the jukebox.

"You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.  
And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips.  
You're trying hard not to show it,"

Then Carl started "baby"

"But baby, baby I know it..." Joe again.

Then all three of them were singing.

"You've lost that lovin' feeling,  
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,  
You've lost that lovin' feeling,  
Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh."

I'm sure by now my eyes were bugging out of my head. I used to say Lula's eyes looked like duck eggs. I'm positive mine must have looked like ostrich eggs. What in the fuck is going on? Did I step into the twilight zone?

Joe jumped off the stage and walked towards me. I desperately tried to move, to speak, to do something. I couldn't. It was as if as soon as I sat down, my body disconnected itself from my mind.

"Now there's no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you.  
And now your're starting to critisize little things I do.  
It makes me just feel like crying,"

"baby," Eddie this time.

"'Cause baby, something in you is dying." Yeah, Joe could be right. I think I'm dead and in some weird form of hell.

"You lost that lovin' feeling,  
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,  
You've lost that lovin' feeling,  
Now it's gone..."

Oh God, Carl's opening his mouth again. "gone..."

Eddie's turn "gone...woooooah"

By now, Joe was kneeling in front of me, arm outstretched, finger tips stopping just short of actually touching me. "Baby, baby, I get down on my knees for you." Joe cannot be singing a love song to me. We broke up, months ago. This must be somebody's idea of a very sick joke. Dear God. Where's Batman when I really need him?

"If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah." Joe continued, seemingly oblivious to my distress. "We had a love..."

"a love..." Carl.

"a love," Eddie.

"you don't find everyday. So don't..." Joe again.

"don't..." Eddie.

"don't..." Carl.

"don't let it slip away." I was relieved at this point that my body wasn't listening to my brain. Joe would have found out first hand what it felt like to be covered in someone else's vomit. This was totally unreal.

They continued the rest of the song in this fashion, with Eddie and Carl alternating on the echoing verses to Joe's lead. I wonder what Joe had used to bribe Eddie and Carl to get them to agree to do this.

You know, when Tom Cruise and what's his name that went on to ER did this in Top Gun, it was sexy, romantic. Watching the Three Stooges up here had totally wrecked that image in my mind. Once my body started moving again, I was going to make them regret it.

Once the song ended, Joe turned without saying another thing. Thank God, because he'd already said waaaaaaaaaay too much. He joined the other two on the raised platform, all three bowed, and it went completely pitch black again.

I heard my name called. That's Tank's voice, why does he sound frantic? Where is he?

"_Steph. Bombshell!" Oh hell no, he didn't just call me Bombshell!? I hate being called Bombshell! " Damn it girl, wake up. Do you want to be responsible for my death? Ranger will kill me if you aren't alright. Come on Stephanie. Open those eyes up." _

"_It's no use. She's out cold. I just hope the paramedics get here soon. Hang on Cupcake, they're on their way." Paramedics? What the hell is going on?_

* * *

My sincerest apologies to the Righteous Brothers and JE for any damage done to their creative works. LOL! If you find typos/grammar/spelling errors that are distracting please be sure to let me know. 


	2. XXL by Keith Andersonand Tank?

Standard Disclaimer Applies. Not mine, (not the lyrics either), just playing around.

* * *

I heard my name called. That's Tank's voice, why does he sound frantic? Where is he?

"_Steph. Bombshell!" Oh hell no, he didn't just call me Bombshell!? I hate being called Bombshell! "Damn it girl, wake up. Do you want to be responsible for my death? Ranger will kill me if you aren't alright. Come on Stephanie. Open those eyes up." _

"_It's no use. She's out cold. I just hope the paramedics get here soon. Hang on Cupcake, they're on their way." Paramedics? What the hell is going on?_

---

This time when I came to I was sitting in the stands of an empty football stadium. Well, I wasn't going to count my chickens too soon this time. Last time I thought I was alone and that turned out to not be the case. I swear I was going to make Tank pay for calling me Bombshell. Him and whatever smartass reporter decided to bestow the moniker on me in the first place. Once I was done rolling my eyes, I stood up and turned a full 360 becoming more aware of my surroundings. Ranger would be so proud of me. NOT! I still haven't a clue what the hell is going on. One moment I'm hearing Morelli mention the EMTs are on their way and the next I'm here. Dressed…hmm, I looked at as much of myself as I could see…pretty much the same except now I had on a RangeMan windbreaker as well. I craned my head around. No damage to the windbreaker that I can tell. I moved a few rows down in the stands. Hey, if something was going to happen, I wanted a good seat.

As I got settled in, the stadium field lights snapped on and I nearly choked. In the middle of the field were Sally, Lula, and the band. Sally and Lula were in identical cheerleading uniforms; well, identical except for the size factor. Sally had given up his usual guitar for pom-poms?!?! My jaw crashed to the ground when Sally looked over, waved, and yelled, "How the fuck are you Steph?"

I waved back. Holy Shit! My body's listening to my brain this time. I started to ask what the hell was going on, but wait! I knew it was too good to be true. My vocal cords still weren't functioning. I settled for an exaggerated shrug and a grimace to answer Sally. I saw him nod and he turned his back to me. He really needs to work on waxing or shaving if he's going to insist on wearing short skirts. He was never going to give Les Sebring any competition in the best (male) legs of Trenton contest without it. Sally seemed to be huddling up with the band and then I heard him again, "Let's get this fucking show on the fucking road!" At that, the huddle broke; the band members heading to their instruments, Sally and Lula to separate sides of the performance area. I heard Sally once more, "Steph, you just fucking sit back and enjoy the fucking show. This is all fucking for you."

The band started playing a real upbeat tempo to a song I had never heard. It sounded kind of like Rock-a-billy, which explains why it wasn't familiar. Except for the occasional Shania Twain song, I don't really know much about country music. Please don't let this be one of those I lost my girlfriend, the dog ran away, my beer's warm songs. I saw movement from the far left end of the field; someone was running across the field. Oh Shit! I think it's Tank. Yeah, it definitely is Tank – that or someone with a death wish given the kiss that just got planted on Lula.

Once he ended the liplock he had on Lula, Tank turned to me, saluted and began to sing.

"Well, Mamma was exhausted after she had me.  
Took two nurses to hold me an' one nurse to slap me."

Lula ran over, drew her arm way back, and smacked Tank square on the ass. I cringed as I heard the sound of her hand making contact with his backside all the way where I was sitting.

"Doctor turned to Mamma an' he shook his head,  
Wiped the sweat off his brow an' then he said:  
'This boy's way off the charts as far as I can tell.'"

Lula and Sally came in on the next line. "Ooh, brrr, Mamma: he's a double XL." Then they faded into the background again.

Tank was doing some sort of almost dancing swaying thing. It was frightening to be honest. I started to have my doubts about this being the man who watched the back of the man I love.

"By the second grade, I was five foot two;  
Fifth grade, I was wearin' a size 12 shoe.  
Eighth grade, I was shoppin' at the Big & Tall,  
An' the coaches had me playin' High School football."

Lula and Sally ran around him at this point, shaking their pom-poms and Lula was shaking everything else she had too. I was just relieved they hadn't managed to find a spandex cheerleader outfit. I'm positive it wouldn't have been able to withstand all that bouncing and jiggling around.

"Uncle Roy said: "Boy, you'll make the NFL"

Again, the band did back up. "Ooh, brrr, son you're a double XL.

Double XL, double XL.  
Don't call me on the 'phone, just ring my dinner bell.  
Double XL, double XL.  
I'm a lean mean love machine that likes to be held.  
Ooh, brrr, baby: I'm a double XL."

"Here we go." Even from my seat, I could see Tank waggle his eyebrows at me. That's it! Ranger and I were going to have to have a talk about this.

"Country cuties in Texas, string bikinis in Florida;  
Barbie dolls drivin' Lexus' out in California"

Lula was starting to look mutinous at these lyrics. I wouldn't want to be Tank if Lula decided to go Rhino on him.

"A skinny little pretty boy ain't what they wanna hold.  
They want a real man with meat on his bones.  
I'll yank their yankees, ring their southern bells"

Tank winked at me. He must have a death wish. Ranger really needs to have a psych-eval done him. I'm going to insist on it.

Lula and Sally came up on either side of Tank, each placing a hand on his chest, looked up at him, batted their eye lashes as they sang, "They say: "Ooh, brrr, we loooooove a double XL."

The whole band sang the chorus through two more times before Tank stepped forward again, crooking his finger in my direction as if inviting me to join him. Not a chance in hell buddy. I'm staying right here, thank you!

"Well if you have any doubts, come see for yourself,  
Why all the girls love a double XL.  
Ooh, brrr, yeah: I'm a double XL.  
Yeah, oh whoa.

I'm a Triple X-L, too." Shaking his hips around and flexing his muscles for all they were worth, Tank ended the song.

Sweet Starbursts! The field lights went out as I found myself laughing so hard, tears were running down my face. I didn't know how I was ever going to be able to face him again. I calmed down and realized the stadium was no longer quiet. I was hearing voices again. Concerned voices. Voices I knew. I looked around but couldn't see them. I was so tired. I'll just close my eyes for a minute or two.

"_Step away from her. I mean it Vinnie; if you don't go crawl back under your rock, I'm going to shoot your ass." Joe again. Wouldn't he go away already?_

"_Whaaat? I need to know what she did with the skip? Where is he?" _

_I heard Tank's voice tight and cold as he answered Vinnie. "She's not able to tell you. She's out and won't come around. Where the hell is the ambulance?" Once again, I found myself wondering why in the hell an ambulance was needed. What were they talking about?_

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AN: My apologies again, this time to Keith Anderson and JE. If you go to the music videos on yahoo and watch the video for XXL carefully, you'll see my current pick for what Tank looks like (no, not Keith Anderson himself, watch more carefully than that grin) If you like, let me know; if you have constructive criticisms, please share; if you find errors, please let me know. 


	3. Vinnieand Ernie?

AN: I was going to wait on this one but since I have posted it elsewhere as a Challenge Response (for a Scary Sight) I thought I might as well put it here too. Standard disclaimers apply; as does my request for feedback if you like it, if you have constructive criticisms, and/or if you find errors that you are distracted by.

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"_Step away from her. I mean it Vinnie; if you don't go crawl back under your rock, I'm going to shoot your ass." Joe again. Wouldn't he go away already?_

"_Whaaat? I need to know what she did with the skip. Where is he?"_

_I heard Tank's voice tight and cold as he answered Vinnie. "She's not able to tell you. She's out and won't come around. Where the hell is the ambulance?" Once again, I found myself wondering why in the hell an ambulance was needed. What were they talking about?_

--

I wasn't as surprised to find myself once again somewhere I couldn't readily identify. I wasn't sure why this was happening but I'd come to realize I was being taken on a trip I couldn't control. I couldn't stop it obviously so I decided I should go with the flow. I slowly sat up and took stock of my surroundings. Clothes were the same, minus the windbreaker. I raised my head. Okay, I'm indoors again; there is a ceiling above me, walls around me, and cold tile under my ass. Brrrrr.

I climbed to my feet with minor difficulties. I took about four steps forward and became intimately acquainted with the sheet of clear plexiglass restricting me to this part of the room. Okay. I slowly turned around and saw a bench that resembled a window seat without the window. I made my way over and sat down.

Through the plexiglass I saw blue ceramic tile on the walls, basic tile on the floor, and then my brain seemed to make sense of the object in the middle of the floor. It was a huge clawfoot bathtub. I heard water splashing. I squinched my eyes shut. I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Finally, my curiosity got the better of me and I looked.

It's a good thing I was sitting down. I probably would have fallen and given myself a concussion otherwise. If I had a voice, I'd be screaming. The sight that greeted me was one I could have lived my whole without ever seeing or even imaging. If I'm not dead and in hell, I'm going to be scarred for life from this.

In the clawfoot tub was a plethora of bubbles and sitting in the midst of those bubbles, with a shower cap on his head, was none other than my pervert cousin Vinnie. Ewwwww! I was definitely going to have to disinfect my mind's eye after this.

Once I pulled myself together I realized Vinnie was singing. I listened closely and couldn't believe my ears. I used my fingers in an attempt to clean them out. I knew this song. Hell, I think everyone born in the last half century knows this song.

"Rubber Ducky, you're the one.  
You make bath time lots of fun  
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fooond of you.  
Rubber Ducky, joys of joys  
When I squeeze you, you make noise  
Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's truuuue!"

At this, I noticed for the first time that Vinnie was helping a somewhat larger than usual rubber duck "swim" its way along the waves and bubbles. It squeaked loudly as he squeezed it.

"Everyday when I make my way to the tuuuuubby  
I find a little fella who's cute, yellow, and chuuuuuubby.  
(rub-a-dub-a-dubby)"

Vinnie picked up the ducky and held it up so they were looking at each other face to face. His face scrunched up like the face adults make when talking to cooing babies or little animals. Oh My Holy God. He's not just singing. He's actually singing _to_ the duck and giving it Eskimo kisses.

"Rubber Ducky you're so fine  
And I'm lucky that you're mine  
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you."

When I had heard Vinnie was involved with a duck, I never imagined this. Please God. Just shoot me now.

"Everyday when I make my way to the tuuuuuubby  
I find a little fella who's cute, yellow, and chuuuubby.  
(rub-a-dub-a-dubby)

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine  
And I'm glad that you're mine  
Rubber Ducky I'm awfully fond of... eskimo kiss  
Rubber Ducky I'd like a whole pond of . . . eskimo kiss  
Rubber Ducky I'm awfully fond of you."

As Vinnie finished his song, he left the duck floating along in the tub ocean and reached for the soap and a scrub brush. I leaned back, bent my knees so my feet were resting flat on benchseat as I closed my eyes. I nearly clicked my heels three times, fighting the urge to mentally chant that age old mantra. I welcomed the darkness as it descended. With any real luck, I won't remember this, EVER!

--

_I felt myself being rolled and lifted on to a backboard. I guess the EMTs are here. I still have no idea what happened to me. I strained my ears hoping to pick up some hints as to what was going on. I heard Tank's voice along with one I didn't recognize. Based on the Q&A session happening, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that second voice was one of the emergency personnel. Tank was telling him that I'd been unconscious for 5 minutes so far and that they had only gotten the bleeding to slow down in the last 3 minutes. Joe interjected that I had hit my head on the brick wall. Had I? Hell if I know. _


	4. Lucille does Gretchen Proud

Standard Disclaimer applies...I own neither the characters nor the song. I do not apologize to Gretchen Wilson for the use of the song though, as I believe she'd have been backing Lucille every step of the way. This is most likely the second to last chapter in this little saga. It's been fun but my creative juice is running out on this tract.

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Chapter 4

_I felt myself being rolled and lifted on to a backboard. I guess the EMTs are here. I still have no idea what happened to me. I strained my ears hoping to pick up some hints as to what was going on. I heard Tank's voice along with one I didn't recognize. Based on the Q&A session happening, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that second voice was one of the emergency personnel. Tank was telling him that I'd been unconscious for 5 minutes so far and that they had only gotten the bleeding to slow down in the last 3 minutes. Joe interjected that I had hit my head on the brick wall. Had I? Hell if I know. _

"_Way to go Plummer-butt. Too bad that fat's on your ass instead of insulating your head." Joyce was here? Oh, Vinnie better pray that Lucille or her father don't catch wind of the fact that he and Joyce have been seen together in public, outside the Bonds office. That was my last conscious thought as I drifted back into the darkness._

This time as I came to, my curiosity was starting to get the better of me, wondering who I was going to see this time. After the scene with Vinnie and the duck, I was braced for just about anything. Mindful of Joe's words about smacking my head on a brick wall, I sat up gingerly and waited for the dizziness and nausea to attack. They didn't. Hmm…am I dead and I don't realize it yet? What other reason could there be for me not feeling my injuries? No answers were forthcoming from any direction so I put my questions aside and scanned my new surroundings.

There was a simple metal fold-down chair in the center of the room. A bare light bulb hung down from the ceiling, pull chain dangling from it. Outside of the circle of light provided by that solitary bulb, the room appeared to be ensconced in darkness. Across the way, a door slammed shut and I heard the distinct sounds of a scuffle taking place. I sat up a little straighter, the sounds magnified in the cavernous space.

I gasped when I saw Vinnie's wife, Lucille, her perfectly manicured left hand full of overdyed, teased to within an inch of its life, red hair. Struggling on the root end of the hair was Joyce Barnhart, skank of the first order. Lucille threw Joyce unceremoniously into the lone chair, letting go of her hold on Joyce's hair in the process. With a triumphant smirk on her face, Joyce moved to get up. Lucille pulled back her right hand, formed a fist, and completely cold-cocked Joyce, temporarily knocking her out long enough to secure Joyce's legs to the chair; her hands handcuffed behind the chair back.

Convinced Joyce wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, Lucille stepped back, taking a deep breath. Her hands went to pat her platinum blonde locks back into place and smoothed the wrinkles out of her black Donna Karan slacks and adjusted the sleeves of her brilliant violet top, pushing them up to her elbows. A completely out of place look for the outfit but you wouldn't catch me telling Lucille that. I value my life and would hate for her father, Harry the Hammer, to decide it was worth forfeiting for his daughter's happiness.

I wasn't sure what Lucille had planned for Joyce but I hoped it wasn't murder. Not that I particularly want Joyce alive, I just didn't want to go through the hassles involved in being a witness to first degree homicide. Lucille gave a barely perceptible nod to someone I couldn't see and some twangy music started up out of nowhere. What is with the country music already? Yeesh!

Lucille slapped Joyce to bring her around, none too gently if the sound of hand hitting face echoing around me was any indication. Joyce looked around dazedly, eyes lighting on Lucille as she tried to move. "_Bitch!_"

My jaw dropped open an instant after Lucille opened her mouth and began singing.

Well you're a real hot cookie with your new hairdo  
Your high heel boots and your credit card  
Long legs and mini skirt

Yeah you know what works and you work it hard

With obvious disgust, Lucille waved her hand up and down, indicating the barely there outfit Joyce was wearing. I swear, most of my distraction outfits had more class that what Joyce was wearing.

You smile like such a lady – innocent and sweet  
You drive the men folk crazy,  
But any girl can see  
You're just a  
Homewrecker

Yep. Lucille has Joyce's number alright. Joyce was the final straw in my marriage to Dickie Orr, aka The Dick. I shuddered as a past memory of the two of them on my dining room table materialized in my mind's eye.

I know what you're doin'  
You think you're gonna ruin what I got, But you're not  
Yeah you little go getter  
I'll teach you a lesson

Man, I don't know Lucille that well, but with a father with a name like Harry the Hammer I don't doubt she could teach a lesson that wouldn't be forgotten until the day one died.

If you get to messin' with my man  
You don't stand a chance  
No, you're just a homewrecker

I'm sure you waited for a long, long time  
To find a man like mine  
But honey you're too late  
So before you go and make your move  
Maybe me and you should get a few things straight  
There's two ways we can do this  
I'll let you decide  
You can take it somewhere else or we can take it outside

Apparently Joyce had decided not to take it somewhere else. Dumb move. As she sang the chorus again, Lucille got closer and closer to Joyce.

you little  
Homewrecker

I know what you're doin'  
You think you're gonna ruin what I got, But you're not  
Yeah you little go getter  
I'll teach you a lesson  
If you get to messin' with my man  
You don't stand a chance  
No, you're just a homewrecker

Joyce was trying vainly to move away from Lucille but it's hard to get away when you've got a chair attached to your butt.

Now honey I'm a Christian, But if you keep it up  
I'm gonna go to kickin' your pretty little butt  
Is that clear enough?

Faces so close they were practically touching, Lucille had nearly growled out the last part. Joyce, eyes wide with fear, had probably just remembered who Lucille was related to. I'm not completely positive but I think I saw the floor get a little wet under Joyce's chair. With a completely satisfied smirk on her face, Lucille backed away as she sang the chorus one final time, pulling her sleeves back down.

yeah, you little  
Homewrecker

I know what you're doin'  
You think you're gonna ruin what I got, But you're not  
Yeah you little go getter  
I'll teach you a lesson  
If you get to messin' with my man  
You don't stand a chance  
No, you're just a homewrecker

Not sure that Lucille had any idea I was present, I resisted the urge to give her a standing ovation. _Way to go!_ I mentally congratulated her. Again I heard the sound of a door closing in the distance and then the bulb over Joyce's head went out. I sat for a moment listening to Joyce's muffled sob, before laying back down and letting unconsciousness claim my mind again.

_I felt the bumps and jostles of the road as the ambulance transported me away from…well, where it was I had been. I moaned slightly as the driver failed to miss a pothole and I felt pain. Pain? Yay, I'm not dead. There's no pain in heaven, right? I felt someone take my hand. "Shush. You'll be okay, Babe."_

* * *

AN: Please let me know if you like it, if you have constructive criticisms, or if you find distracting errors. Thanks for reading. 


	5. Ranger Shares, Tells, and Shows

Standard Disclaimers apply: Not mine, just playing, making no money.

* * *

Stranger than Fiction?

Chapter 5

_I felt the bumps and jostles of the road as the ambulance transported me away from…well, where it was I had been. I moaned slightly as the driver failed to miss a pothole and I felt pain. Pain? Yay, I'm not dead. There's no pain in heaven, right? I felt someone take my hand. "Shush. You'll be okay, Babe."_

_Ranger and I had been exploring our "non-relationship" since shortly after Joe and I broke up for good. I instantly felt better now that I knew he was here. I wanted to open my eyes and see him. I just couldn't make my body cooperate. Despite my struggles against it, the dark abyss claimed my mind one more time._

This time I was a little pissed. I wanted to stay with Ranger. I looked down and nearly fell over. I wasn't in my torn Rangeman uniform anymore. Instead I was in a gorgeous sapphire blue cocktail dress and matching FMPs. I reached up and touched my hair. It felt like it was under control. Without a reflective surface, I was going to have to go by touch. The only light sources were candles, lots of candles flickering in the gentle ocean breeze. I looked over the edge of the balcony I was standing on and heard the waves lapping at the shore. I couldn't help but smile, I love being at the shore.

A gentle melody caught my attention and I turned to look through the open French doors to the room beyond. It had a dance floor. I felt a hand on the back of my neck.

"Dance with me Babe?" Not trusting the voice that had failed me every time so far, I simply nodded. Ranger extended his hand to me and led me onto the dance floor. I took a moment to look at him out of the corner of my eye. His hair was in a long straight pony tail. He was in a perfectly tailored black suit and looked hot enough to set a brick building on fire.

Ranger swept me into his arms as if we had danced together our whole lives. When our bodies were plastered to one another, he leaned over and sent chills up and down my spine as he put his mouth against my ear and sang softly along with the song playing.

"I like the feel of your name on my lips; and I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss; the way that your fingers run through my hair."

I pulled back from him slightly and caught his eyes with mine. I brought a hand up and removed the hair tie.

"And how your scent lingers even when you're not there; And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh, and how you enjoy your two hour bath; And how you convinced me to dance in the rain, with everyone watching, like we were insane."

I smiled broadly at that. A few months ago, Jersey finally got a break in the extremely unusual drought it was experiencing. It had been unseasonably hot and we hadn't had rain in over a month. The guys, including Ranger, and I had just finished up a distraction take-down that had gone off without a hitch, a rare enough occurrence, when the rain started. I'd grabbed his hand and, just in a fit of feeling good and like things were right with the world, started dancing around with him. The rest of the crew had just stood there, trying not to smile too broadly, lest Ranger see and decide to send them to a third-world country.

"But I love the way you love me, strong and wild," his eyes went very dark at this point, "slow and easy, heart and soul, so completely, I love the way you love me." Ranger leaned over and kissed me.

"I like to imitate old Jerry Lee and watch you roll your eyes when I'm slightly off key." Ranger did a fair imitation of an eye roll himself as he purposely shifted off key for a word or two. I couldn't help but chuckle at him as I matched his eye roll.

"And I like the innocent way that you cry, at sappy old movies you've seen hundreds of times." I could feel my face go beet red at that. I tipped my head down, hoping to cover my face with my curls. With a finger under my chin, Ranger tilted my face back up so I was looking at him again. He quickly mouthed "Don't" before catching up with the singer for the rest of the song.

"But I love the way you love, strong and wild, slow and easy, heart and soul, so completely, I love the way you love me." Ranger spun me around and danced us through the French doors.

"And I could list a million things I love to like about you." Continuing to sing, Ranger sat me down in the nearest chair. He kneeled down in front of me. "But they all come down to one reason: I could never live without you."

Ranger reached into the pocket of his suit and pulled out a small box. Opening it up to reveal a beautiful diamond and sapphire ring, he stopped singing and looked up at me.

"Will you marry me, Babe?" My eyes wide, tears threatening to spill down from them, I realized Ranger was fading before my eyes. The darkness was closing in on me again. Damn!

_I slowly opened my eyes and looked up into Ranger's. I was lying in a hospital bed and he had lain down next to me. I looked at him questioningly. Then I heard it. I saw the smile on his face grow into a full fledged grin as he watched the recognition dawn on my face. There was a radio playing softly in the background. I'd heard that song before, just moments before. It was just a dream, an aberration from the head injury right? He hadn't really proposed to me, had he? Ranger brought my left hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it, the light catching on a ring on my ring finger, and fixed me with an expectant look._

"_Well Babe? Will you?" Oh Hell Yes! I wanted to shout. My voice was still on strike, so I had to settle for nodding my head. We didn't need words after that._

* * *

AN: "I love the way you love me" sung by John Michael Montgomery is mine and my husband's song, and we danced to it at our wedding. I contemplated and ultimately decided against a wide variety of songs for Ranger – ranging --smirk-- from ridiculous to sweet. I got several suggestions and I thank those who did give me songs to consider. I had to go with what felt right in my gut though and this was it.

For those who wonder what happened to Steph in the first place: A skip knocked her into a wall, she hit her head and this resulted. It was only intended to be fluff, a way to blow off some creative steam. Thanks for riding along with me (and Steph) on this journey. Reviews always welcome.


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